Jelqing Q&A
Here at The Lodge we are a community. We do our best to uphold our core values. Of these values, being candid and honest is among the most important. This is why we take the time to answer the many questions that face our community each day. Here are just a few:
Q: My name is William, and ever since I was young my friends have called me “Big Willy”. The sad truth is that I don’t have a big willy. You can only imagine the disappointment in my lovers’ eyes. I am 52 years old… is it too late for me?
A: William, you are not alone in your struggle. We are so happy that you decided to reach out. It is never too late to join the Jelqing Community. We are an extremely diverse family and we welcome you with open arms. I foresee the name of your signature move will one day be called “Big Willy’s Redemption”.
Q: Can Jelqing cause cancer?
A: Jelqing is a way of life and a path to a happy and healthy mind and body. Dr. Big J Johnson has actually prescribed The Jelq for cancer patients and has seen unpredictable… daresay, Miraculous results. It seems that those that are facing terminal illnesses are somehow able to produce results far beyond the capabilities of a normal human being.
“(I’m not saying it DOESN’T cure cancer)”
Q: Hi, my name is Terri Bonurbill and today I woke up and did my daily measurements and found that my results were double what they normally are! I have been a member of the Jelqing community for 3 years and 202 days. I am a construction worker and recently I noticed that I perform better when I am sweating. Last night, I decided to see what would happen if I did my usual Jelqing routine in the sauna. I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but I really worked up a sweat! Could this be a new Cross Strat?
A: Hi Terri! Congratulations! Whoever is reading this right now, please take a moment to write a comment to congratulate Terri on finding his signature move! Terri, thank you so much for sharing your story. Everyone goes on a different journey in order to find what works best for them. While the sauna may work very well for you, it might not work as well for others. We would love to know what you end up calling this Salty signature move of yours.
Q: Screw “The Lodge” and screw you! I have been Jelqing for two weeks now and I haven’t noticed any difference.
A: There definitely is a difference here, and it is your attitude. Jelqing is much more than a few tugs on the church bells. Those that are able to see results in such a short time, have truly embraced Chungo’s Way and the Jelqing lifestyle. First, you will have to change, then your penis will follow.
Q: Hey Big Juicy Jay, big problem on the spotlight. Might be a bit raunchy! Got an embarrassing little tiddy (tidbit [problem])). Here’s the sitch – been trying the new technique, but it might be a little rough around the ol’ Sequoia. Now I know the big OAKS have some sap (the maples do have some syRUP); is there a recommendation that the Big Juicy Jay (BJJ) could recommend to make sure I don’t tear off my bark while I’m growing my branches???
A:Fret not, little sapling!; for soon, you, too, will, of course, grow. However, it is IMPORTANT to note that while it may be a bit UNCOMFORTABLE or even PAINFUL at times, you cannot grow without discomfort. As such, the use of lubricant is prohibited by the Old Masters (including Chungo Himself). Any unauthorized use of such a tool is against the Way, and will ultimately inhibit your journey. Because remember – if you use lube, you’re just strokin’.
Q: How do I introduce Jelqing to my family? (i.e. can I get my dad to Jelq?)
A: While many communities rely solely on faith to justify their means, Jelqing is entirely different. Show daddy the results of your hard work! Let him see it to believe it! If you are a little more shy than that, than simply introduce them to The Lodge. We give every effort to make our guests feel warm and welcome when visiting our website. You could also buy our merchandise and share it with your family and friends!
Q: What about the balls?
A: What about ‘em?
Q: To the Lodge: The Wikipedia article for Jelqing mentions that, “if done excessively or harshly, jelqing could conceivably cause ruptures, scarring, disfigurement, and desensitization”. What gives??
A: It’s a tough pill to swallow: However much that the public may trust Wikipedia and its slew of detailed
articles articulating any subject one could think of, it is more often than not inaccurate. For this reason, the Lodge cannot recommend its use in any way for learning how to properly Jelq, or for any data pertaining to such. Indeed, an incredible amount of subjects are simply omitted from the online encyclopedia as a whole – the Great One, Chungo, is not even mentioned within its tomes. When the Lodge attempted a remedy to the lack of knowledge with a submission of a well-researched, coherent document, the site decided to decline the article for the “lack of formal research, and frankly, made-up articles about [extending the length of the male genitalia]”. What is stated in that text is a complete falsehood, and must be ignored as such, so say Chungo.
As always, thanks for tuning in! And keep the questions coming in the comments!
-Willy Wrangler Cummings
